Infuriating Office Speak

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DaveL35	Infuriating Office Speak	Lead	[-]
(04/25/09 9:45 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Tags : None This reminds me of why I got out of that environment. But still VERY funny. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7457287.stm - Dave D-35 (1980) ~ OM-18V (2003) ~ 0-18 (mostly 1950; still being restored - but, allegedly, almost finished) Fender Stratocaster (1969) ~ Mandolins by Andy Tobin (2006) & Stefan Sobell (late 1970s) ~ Bouzouki by Paul Hathway (1996) ...if you want to, you can see some of these HERE.
BucksCountyBob		#1	[-]
(04/25/09 11:22 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I'm still in that environment...i read about half of it and wanted to kill myself. My life sucks... BucksCountyBob Total Guitar Fraud Club Friends of Dave Chapter 2003 Martin HD-28,1999 Fender MiM Stratocaster,Martin LXM
thethinman		#2	[-]
(04/25/09 11:31 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I noted #10, that "problems" have become "challenges." At the corporation I work for, it has gone a step further. "challenges" are now "opportunities." Mark
jscio		#3	[-]
(04/25/09 2:04 PM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Opportunities in any other language are problems........... Last Edited By: jscio 04/28/09 6:51 AM. Edited 1 times.
gospelRon		#4	[-]
(04/25/09 6:48 PM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Here's a goody from my employer: "Efforts are appreciated...Results are rewarded". Which is actually used quite often at evaluation timing,and when it's used in a conversation with you it's for certain you ain't gonna get a raise! Ron Psalm 14:1 Revelation 20:12-15
geeterpicker		#5	[-]
(04/26/09 6:57 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I loathe such phrases. I don't where the guy in Chicago has been who said he doesn't hear "at the end of the day" in the US. Who ISN'T saying that? And "rightsizing" - the implication being staff size was wrong before, even though someone once made the decision those people were really needed. The reality being, "Here, do this person's job, too." It echoes the disposability of people as if they were machine parts. Brian
IainDearg		#6	[-]
(04/26/09 10:50 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	thethinman wrote: I noted #10, that "problems" have become "challenges." At the corporation I work for, it has gone a step further. "challenges" are now "opportunities." Mark Yeah, that one bothers me too. "Disasters" which are really "opportunities" is another one. A train wreck is a train wreck, people. Except I find "train wreck" really off-message. Dave OM-18V & OM-28V www.dave-keir.com
jscio		#7	[-]
(04/26/09 2:54 PM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Any manager that uses "dude" pretty much lost any opportunity for any form of respect from me.
om45dlx		#8	[-]
(04/26/09 9:45 PM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	When I was at my particilar large corporation I called it "management by bestseller". Those were the days when you were "information challenged" (screwed) if you hadn't read the latest about "scarce resources" and "levels of thinking". On top of that, you had to have read the latest novel and re-read Deming's book about once a week. And if you hadn't read Harvard and Yale's "core reading" lists, you were simply unable to function at lunch. BSA
jscio		#9	[-]
(04/27/09 5:31 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I'll guarantee they may have read Demming but I doubt they implemented anything. We called the incompetent, upwardly mobile management team teflon managers. Nothing stuck to them as a result of their incompetence. Talk about an inbred group of self serving twits.
Roger Kern		#10	[-]
(04/27/09 9:18 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Here's the Bingo card that goes with the article. C'mon retirement! Roger Martins (standard): 1883(?) 1-27(?), 1919 Style A Mandolin, 1931 5-17T, 1933 R-18, ~1937 Style 1 uke, 1951 00-17, 1971 D12-20 Martins (custom): Maury's Music 00-28VSMM1, Buffalo Brothers 000-16SK2 Pictures
om45dlx		#11	[-]
(04/27/09 10:27 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	"an inbred group of self serving twits." Not where I came from. The in thing to do there was screw anything that walked, thus avoiding inbreeding AND making sure you "had something" on the other guy (or gal.... sort of an under-the-table 'EEO' policy). BSA
jscio		#12	[-]
(04/27/09 11:53 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Well, I guess there's something to be said for having something on the genetic anomalies calling the shots.
kitsinni		#13	[-]
(04/28/09 7:55 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Well the qualifications for an entry level job making $30K a year are 4 year degrees and sometimes masters degrees. The qualification for executive management making $200K or more is being a coach for the right kids baseball team. So the executives have to make up words so that it sounds like they actually know more about business than the guy making $30K. I wonder if they have considered the "metrics" in "executive compensation packages". Niko
Rucker		#14	[-]
(04/28/09 7:10 PM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Hi, My current groaner: "decisioned" (or "decisioning"). As in, "Has this been decisioned yet? Who's decisioning this?" Ryan --------------------- '99 D-28 Yep, just the one...
WmRob		#15	[-]
(04/29/09 9:56 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I was once on a committee that had a "facilitator" who spoke of being "proactive" and "in the crease" about things. I quit the committee when she insisted on using the term "conservative activation". I still don't know what that means but I do know the committee accomplished nothing.
jscio		#16	[-]
(04/29/09 10:34 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Another favorite: .................Don't work harder, work smarter................ Every time I hear that I start looking for blunt instruments appropriate for cranial adjustments. Often a tire iron will suffice if I cant find a 4-wood.
kitsinni		#17	[-]
(04/29/09 10:39 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I'm going to leave at 2:00 today and if they ask what I am doing I am going to tell them I am working smarter not harder Niko
auggie242		#18	[-]
(04/30/09 4:29 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Ryan, I think George Bush answered the question of, "who's decisioning this" quite nicely. According to him, it's done by "the decider" (geeze, who would have guessed?). Being self employed has it's drawbacks, but at least you get to avoid meetings and middle management. Frank
3fangers		#19	[-]
(04/30/09 7:32 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Quote: ". . .but at least you get to avoid meetings and middle management. " At work years ago, our manager was convinced we needed to have lengthy weekly meetings. They ate up a lot of what could have been productive time. At one point I wrote on the white board in the conference room "These meetings will continue until we determine why no work is getting done." The point was made and eventually our meetings got shorter. "If everyone in the world could get together and agree on just one thing, there would be a big fight over who thought up the idea". "It seems to me, if we all spent a lot less time trying to figure out what's wrong with the world and more time trying to figure our what's right with the world- -we'd probably have a lot more free time on our hands".
BucksCountyBob		#20	[-]
(04/30/09 8:22 AM) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	When I worked at EDS, we once met over a dozen times for two hours each meeting to determine whether we should use MS Word or WordPerfect as our standard word processing package. Our biggest client was the government, and they had already standardized on WordPerfect. 95% of our employees were already using WordPerfect due to this fact, yet it took us 12 two hour meetings to decide that we would use WordPerfect. Still makes me want to cry just thinking about it, 19 years later. BucksCountyBob Total Guitar Fraud Club Friends of Dave Chapter 2003 Martin HD-28,1999 Fender MiM Stratocaster,Martin LXM

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